Thursday, April 15, 2010

Top 5 Superhero Weddings

Welcome back to our sporadic look at comic book weddings. Previously we gazed in slack jawed wonder at a gallery of some of the weirdest wedding covers ever. Today we're going to turn to a staple of the industry: superhero weddings. And, naturally, our list of the top 5 weddings consists entirely of Marvel events.

Now, I know what you're thinking: man, that FFF thing really went to your head. Well, no. I mean yes, but not in this case. Rather, this is simple acknowledgment that the superhero wedding as we know it was invented by Marvel and pretty much every superhero wedding of the last fifty years is a copy of Marvel's inimitable style. So though there are many high profile and no doubt interesting superhero weddings over at DC and Image and wherever else, we're going to keep it real by looking solely at Marvel, a decision helped by the fact that the top four superhero weddings of all time are undoubtedly from Marvel anyway, meaning we're really just debating the number five spot. So stop whining.

And where does that leave number five? Well, it was a bit of a toss-up between a number of other worthy events (including, for instance, the wedding of Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson in Amazing Spider-man Annual #21 and the union of Scott Summers and Jean Grey in X-Men #30) but after careful consideration I decided instead to go with a bit of a dark horse candidate (though not from Dark Horse Comics, of course)...

5) Hellcat and Son of Satan

Coming at you straight form the pages of New Defenders #125, it's the wedding all of the underworld has been waiting for, Hellcat and Son of Satan. This rather bizarre issue gets the nod for a couple reasons. Firstly, it contains the pre-requisite attack by supervillains, in this case the uber lame Mutant Force (which at least also included Hellcat's ex-husband Mad Dog). But it also signaled the end of the original Defenders team and concept thanks to the dues ex machina device of some cosmic dudes telling them they had to disband forever or else the world would be destroyed. Being the heroes they are, they were like, "sounds reasonable," and all quit (later to find out, of course, that this was just a really obvious trick). And as a result, the "New" Defenders formed, which were just like the old defenders only with more X-Men involved. All of this taking place in the middle of a supernatural wedding being narrated by a pink leprechaun for essentially no reason. New Defenders, same as the old Defenders.

4) Quicksilver and Crystal

Let's face it: nobody in comics does weddings quite like the Avengers and the Fantastic Four. So it's only fitting that we highlight the wedding of Crystal and Quicksilver, which took place in a crossover between Avengers #127 and Fantastic Four #150. Of course, the proceedings were interrupted by a giant-sized Ultron-7, inhabiting the body of the Inhumans android Omega. And with a union blessed by an inhuman killing machine, it's no surprise that the two later divorced after Crystal had an affair with a New Jersey real estate agent. Yes, Pietro was just that boring.

3) Vision and Scarlet Witch

Perhaps the weirdest wedding ceremony of all time (no pun intended) took place in Giant-Size Avengers #4 when the synthezoid Vision was married to the mutant Scarlet Witch by the ageless lord of limbo, the time traveler Immortus. And they weren't even the weird part. That goes to the fact that this was a double wedding, with Mantis (aka the Celestial Madonna) tying the knot with a sentient tree that had been animated with the soul of her dead lover Swordsman. We're guessing the reception was a real party.

2) Hank and Jan Pym

Maybe the greatest superhero wedding cover of all time, Avengers #60 features the union between Wasp and Hank Pym, who was at this point in his Yellowjacket identity. That's because he had suffered a complete nervous breakdown that led to the formation of a split personality; recognizing her boyfriend Hank Pym under the new mask, the Wasp seized her chance and finally wrung a wedding proposal out of her deranged lover. By the time he returned to his senses, it was too late: the Avengers had already defeated the marauding Circus of Crime at the reception and he was a married man. Epilogue: marrying someone when they are temporarily insane is not the foundation of a successful marriage.

1) Mr. Fantastic and The Invisible Girl

Could there ever be any doubt what the top pick would be? Unquestionably the most important wedding in comics history, the ceremony between Mr. Fantastic and the Invisible Girl in Fantastic Four Annual #3 set the standard for all superhero weddings that would follow. Not only was it a landmark event in Marvel history, it also established the trope of villains attacking superhero weddings, in this case resulting in one of the great battle sequences in comics history as an entire army of supervillains assaults the wedding, only to be fought off by the combined might of every Marvel superhero in existence, all of whom had gathered to celebrate the wedding. Add in a cameo from Stan and Jack themselves and you have an all-time classic -- and our number one superhero wedding of all time.

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