The Vault

DC Comics Goes Completely Nuts

So, here we are, minding our own business, getting ready for the Green Lantern and Captain America movies next month -- and then, all of a sudden, DC Comics decides to go completely, off the reservation crazy. Sigh.

I guess we might as well dig in and try to make sense of this.

For those of you who haven't heard the news, here's the deal: this August, DC is rebooting their entire universe. Yep. New versions of all their characters, apparently with new costumes and in some cases new origins and powers as well.

And that's not all: to kick this off, they aren't going to half-ass it like they did after Crisis on Infinite Earths; no, this time around their entire line will relaunch, with every single title starting over at #1. That includes, you know, Batman, Superman, Detective Comics and Action Comics -- those last two, in case you were wondering, having maintained their current numbering system since they debuted in 1937 and 1938 respectively.

But those are just the details, because hidden beyond the character reboots and the renumbering firestorm sure to follow (which I may or may not start momentarily) is an announcement probably even more important to the comic book industry: DC is also going to begin offering all of these titles digitally, online, on the same day they go on sale at comic shops. In other words, goodbye, comic shops, hello iPad, because the future of comics is apparently here right now.

Whew. That's a lot. But wait, there's a little more: the details of the reboot, which involves Jim Lee redesigning all the characters (even though, as his atrociously fug Wonder Woman outfit proves, his designs mostly suck); a new Justice League title by the team of Geoff Johns and Jim lee, which will form the center of this new DCU; and a new lineup that will include 52 different titles. A number, of course, that has special significance in the DCU since there are 52 alternate universes -- a "coincidence" that has more than one fan or blogger already speculating that this entire new line is actually going to be just DC's version of the Ultimate universe.

So first, my knee jerk reaction: I don't care about rebooting the characters at all, in part because I don't follow current DC continuity anyway. And to be frank, it's so confusing at this point anyway -- just in the last few years we've had Infinite Crisis reshaping reality in undefined and random ways and the multi-verse returning with 52 alternate worlds, not to mention the confusing mish-mash that was Final Crisis -- that maybe a reboot is the only way to clean it up.

However, it will come as no surprise to anyone that I am opposed on all levels to renumbering Action Comics and Detective Comics, not to mention Superman and Batman. In the case of Action and Detective, I just feel that those numbers represent something important -- not comic book continuity, but continuity with our own past and the industry's history. Action and Detective and their numbering means something to comic book readers; they mean something to me; and it's unfortunate they it don't apparently mean much to Dan Didio.

Not that I expect any numbering change on those titles to be permanent in any sense of the word. I have no doubt that, by the time we get to what should be Action #1000, they will revert the numbering as yet another blatant, cheap sales ploy. But really, are they so desperate for a few extra bucks that they can't figure out a way to just keep the stupid numbering out of respect for all the creators and fans that have gone before them? What kind of legacy is that, exactly? "Dan DiDio, the guy who ran DC so far into the ground that they had to renumber Detective Comics after 74 years." Congrats on that.

I also think it's unlikely that this is an Ultimate universe situation, though the reverse may be true. In other words, 52 titles is just too big for this to anything but the main universe; heck, they're only putting out like 30 right now. But they might find a way to continue certain creator driven series like Grant Morrison's Batman titles by keeping them on as some sort of alternate world, multiverse storyline for old timey fans.

Finally, of course, the big news really is the distribution system. Comic shop owners are already pitching a fit about the fact that DC will be selling the titles digitally on the same day they come out in hard copy, as it deincentivizes people from going to the comic shop. of course, I don't think this will have a big impact at first and perhaps, as DC is hoping, it will even drive new audiences to try the comics since they will be able to just download them on their iPad or whatever instead of trying to track them down in some grubby basement comic shop filled with weirdos like you and me. I certainly hope so. Eventually, of course, I think this will have a major impact on the direct sales market, but let's face it -- it was inevitable, and by taking the lead, DC has probably done a smart thing by stealing the march on Marvel.

One thing is sure, though: after today, changes are coming, not just to the DCu but to comic books as we know them. Whether the changes are good or bad is something we'll all have to wait to find out.

Movie Review: Thor

Hey guys, what's up. It's been a while since our last fandango, but I've been pretty busy -- you know, training for top secret missions in Pakistan, sorting through my fan mail, that sort of thing. Only, totally different. Yet even with my busy schedule, I've still managed to find the time to slip out to the theater and catch this month's biggest superhero blockbuster: Thor.

And I have to say, this film is exceedingly difficult for me to review. That's because Thor is a pretty idiosyncratic comic to begin with and it has become even more idiosyncratic up on the big screen. Though Thor rubs shoulders with his fellow Avengers in the pages of many a superhero comic, the character and the stories in his own title aren't really related to the superhero genre at all. Ever since Stan and Jack introduced Tales of Asgard to the series back in Journey Into Mystery #97, the series has been much more of a combination of high fantasy and epic science fiction than a traditional superhero comic.

All of which makes judging Thor the movie pretty hard to do considering there's not a whole lot to judge it against. As a superhero movie, well, it's downright weird. As an epic fantasy, though, it's almost weirder, because it exists within the framework of Marvel's interconnected superhero universe, meaning film fans will see characters and ideas from the Iron Man franchise pop up right in the middle of what otherwise is a fantasy movie.

In fact, I'd go so far as to say that Thor can only really be judged under one criteria: how good a Thor movie is it?

The answer? Pretty good.

What Thor gets right outweighs for the most part what it gets wrong. Here's a quick overview that isn't much of a spoiler since it's based very closely on comics that came out nearly 50 years ago: Thor (Chris Hemsworth) gets himself in hot water because of his hot head, so Odin banished him to Earth to learn some humility and prove his worthiness. Once he does so, he regains his godly powers, returns to Asgard and fights some monsters.

And all of that is handled pretty well, though there were a few things I thought they could have done differently in terms of pacing. It was wise of director Kenneth Branagh to begin the proceedings with a quick look at Earth, but I think things would have gone better -- especially for newcomers to the Thor milieu -- if the story had just stayed on Earth for the first half instead of immediately jumping up to Asgard for 30 minutes. Not that I minded what was happening in Asgard, but there's no question that the scenes on Earth, where Thor meets Jane Foster (Natalie Portman), contain much more humor and, you know, fun, than the portentous action sequences in Asgard. As a result, I think the film -- which is inherently harder to get into than most superhero or action films anyway -- becomes even more difficult for newbies to get into than it had to be.

Having said that, though, if the film hasn't lost viewers by the time Thor comes to Earth, then they are likely to really enjoy the film, because it picks up in a big way after Thor meets Jane Foster and begins stumbling around New Mexico in search of his hammer, Mjolnir. Sure, Portman doesn't have a whole lot to do, but what she does, she does really well; she and Hemsworth have pretty good chemistry and once Thor returns to Asgard to deal with Loki (the excellent Tom Hiddleston), you do feel a tug at the thought of the two being separated just as they were starting to dig each other.

There were a few other minor concerns I had about the film as well. For instance, though I love the Warrior's Three in the comic, I'm not sure they really came across on the screen for non comics fans as anything more than somewhat goofy sidekicks. And, like Iron Man 2, some of the action sequences came up a bit short, particularly the big throwdown between Thor and The Destroyer, which was okay but not nearly as epic as it could or should have been.

But those are quibbles. For the most part, Thor is an entertaining, occasionally fun and perfectly competent film that any fan of Thor will enjoy.

And if you're not a fan of Thor? Well... give it a try, because if you end up liking it, there's a half century of cool stories waiting to be discovered. But Thor is just so very, very Thor that's there's really no way of knowing if you'll like it until you try.

My Grades: For Thor fans, a solid B+. For everyone else, a random grade somewhere between A- and C-. The film has good acting and solid directing, so it's not going to go below that, but there's no way of really judging this movie outside of the strictures of Thor itself. The bonus scene after the credits gets an A+ for setting up both Captain America and Avengers at the same time while also giving Marvel fans a major woody.

What Are "The Miseries of Robin Sparrows?"

As one of the most influential bloggers on the internet, choosing what topics to write about is tantamount to a nation's leader setting foreign policy: with one keystroke, I could literally change the course of pop culture history. It's a weighty responsibility and one I take very seriously.

That's why, out of billions of possibilities, I have carefully selected The Miseries of Robin Sparrows as the subject of this post -- to ensure that a worthy subject receive the benefit of the fabled Vault Bounce.

So just what are -- or rather, what is -- or WTFever -- The Miseries of Robin Sparrows? Well, it's not a comic book -- though actually it might make a pretty interesting graphic novel -- but rather a new novel by up and coming fantasy author Matthew Timmins who, in the interest of full disclosure, I may or may not owe pizza money to.

Here's the scoop: described by the author himself as what might happen "if Bertie Wooster worked for the law firm of Scrooge & Moriarty," The Miseries of Robin Sparrow is a historical fantasy novel about Robin Sparrows, a lowly law clerk who gets caught up in mysterious events above his pay grade in an alternate universe Victorian England.

If that doesn't exactly sound like the vast, interchangeable mess of Twilight and Harry Potter knockoffs that are currently clogging bookstores around the country, well, it's not. On the contrary, the strength of The Miseries of Robin Sparrowa is just how highly idiosyncratic both the story and the writing style are. The book isn't designed to appeal to everyone, or even a broad, easily defined target demographic; it's the specific vision of one writer.

Of course, that also means that there's a reasonable chance it won't appeal to you personally or, you know, make sense. But if your interest is piqued, you have nothing to lose, because author Matthew Timmins has graciously posted the entire novel online for the low, low price of completely free. Yes, free. In your ear, capitalism!

So check it out right here. And who knows -- maybe you'll like it. There's no harm in finding out.

p.s. Yes, all three links go to the same place. Frikkin' sue me.

The 2011 Inkwell Awards Are Here!

Hey guys, what's up? Read any cool new comics or anything lately? That's cool. And how's your mom? Good, good. Hey, listen, I don't have a lot of time, but I wanted to come out of hibernation http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.giflong enough to let you know about something very important. No, it's not that Justin Bieber's "Never Say Never" concert film will be coming out on Blu-ray soon, it's a little bit bigger than that even.http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif

Yes, the 2011 Inkwell Awards are here -- and you can vote right now to honor your favorite inkers in the comic biz.

The Inkwell Awards, of course, are overseen each year by official Friend of The Vault Bob Almond. And this year, Bob has outdone himself with his tireless efforts to recognize excellence in inking.

So do yourself and the entire free world a favor and head over to the 2011 Inkwell Awards right nowhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif and vote. Because without inkers, we wouldn't be able to see WTF was going on in our comic books. It's god's work they're doing -- and now, it's your work, too.

Keep it real.

Invitation to Readers of The Vault

Hey guys. What's going on? Anything cool? Done any reading recently of any comics or anything? Read any good comic book websites?

Actually, I'm guessing that last one is a big fat no considering I haven't posted anything in a dog's age. And, as usual, I have a wicked lame excuse -- I've just been too damn busy working for money to pay the bills.

But I don't want to let down all my faithful readers, especially since we've fostered such a nice community here over the last year and a half. Unfortunately, my work schedule seems to be getting busier rather than... less busy... so I'm not sure how soon I'll be able to really get back into the swing of things. Luckily, though, I've come up with the perfect guest writer to take over the blog for the time being until I can get back on track. And the name of that guest writer?

You.

Yes, you! Not the guy behind you, but you. Here's the deal: I'm throwing open the doors to any and all Vault readers to gust write your own article. Got some comic-based rant you need to get off your chest? Want to discuss the latest issue of your favorite comic? Have some obscure old series you want to wax poetic about? Well, now's your chance!

Here's how this will work: contact me either through my facebook account or at this email address and let me know what you're going to write about. Then, once I've given you the papal blessing, you'll be free to send me your no-doubt inspired comic book commentary, secure in the knowledge that literally millions of readers will be entertained and informed by it.

So get cracking, you guys. Because this site has been silent for too long and this time, if there's no cool content you're the one to blame, not me.

Marvel at Disney World: A Brief Review

Hello folks. I know you've been in serious withdrawal since my last post, lo, these many weeks ago. But now I am finally back from vacation and have found a few moments of free time to provide a brief recap of what I saw at Walt Disney World. No, I don't mean the rides and the characters and the tens of thousands of out of shape tourists (and that was just in mirrors around the park); no, I'm specifically talking about the presence of Marvel Comics at the Disney World resort.

Or, more to the point, the lack of presence. granted, it has only been a year since Disney purchased Marvel, so no doubt many of the strategy meetings on how to best integrate the Marvel brand into the existing Disney world are still taking place. And the theme parks and their attendant resort areas are bound to be one of the trickier arenas to figure out, because frankly, the tone and style of the Marvel Universe isn't necessarily a great match for Disney World; I have a hard time, for instance, picturing am X-Men roller coaster sharing space with the Country Bear Jamboree, for instance.

Still, Disney bought Marvel for a reason, namely the fact that Marvel's superheroes are becoming the 21st century version of Disney's animated stable; in a real sense they are creating the pop mythology for this generation as Mickey, Donald and Goofy created the pop mythology for the Depression era. So there has to be a way to integrate the characters into Disney World in a way that both utilizes them properly and allows them to co-exist with current Disney favorites without affecting the successful atmosphere that has made Disney a family destination for decades.

Putting Marvel rides in the parks, however, is likely to be the last step that Disney undertakes simply because it takes years of planning to design a ride and then build it. With this in mind, then, it makes some sense that during my trip to Disney I saw only a very minimal Marvel presence -- but still a presence that could lead to bigger things.

The only signs of Marvel that I actually saw at a park was at Hollywood Studios (the most logical place for a Marvel presence, as I will get into later), this being a small side shop that used to be devoted to Disney-themed stationery but which now is basically a coffee shop with a few books in it. Among those books, however, there was a full shelf of hardcover Marvel collections for sale. Best of all, as part of the decorations there was a poster-sized reproduction of a pre-code Atlas romance cover.

I've also learned, thanks to the folks at Robot 6 (these photos also belong to them), that I missed a big display of Marvel comics at the Villains store at Hollywood Studios.

Beyond this, my only encounter with anything Marvel during my trip was a rack of Iron Man merchandise at the gift shop inside the Port Orleans resort area. I didn't have a chance to visit the shops in Downtown Disney, but my understanding from Robot 6 is that there is also a Marvel section in the World of Disney store there that sells TPBs, clothes and toys from across the Marvel line.

While this all still adds up to a pretty minor presence for Marvel at Walt Disney World, I think they are going about things the right way. After some thought, here is my three stage plan for integrating Marvel into the Disney World experience:

1) A Marvel Store at Downtown Disney Having a section in World of Disney is nice, but in order to really maximize and promote the Marvel brand -- and more importantly, begin to get tourists used the the idea that Marvel is part of Disney and the Disney World experience -- I think they need to build a whole Marvel-only store. Perhaps they could call it "World of Marvel" or something; whatever the case, having a Marvel-themed store filled with Marvel merchandize -- including, importantly, exclusive Walt Disney World Resort merchandise featuring Marvel characters -- would be a good first step towards leveraging the Marvel brand within Disney World.

2) A Marvel-themed Resort Area Disney World already has oodles of themed resorts, including stuff like All-Star Sports and the Pop Century resort. A Marvel resort area would fit right in with this. Logically it should service Hollywood Studios, but wherever located, it could become a destination resort for Marvel fans by allowing you to choose which Marvel headquarters you wanted to spend your week in, with hotel rooms inside replicas of Avengers Mansion, the X-Mansion, the Baxter Building, Stark Enterprises and the Daily Bugle. This is an experience that Universal, even with their Marvel rides at islands of Adventure, cannot offer.

3) Marvel Rides at Hollywood Studios Finally, once tourists are used to the idea of Marvel being a major part of their Disney vacation, rides should be introduced. This is the diciest part of the plan, as currently rival Universal Studios has a deal with Marvel for rides at their Islands of Adventure park. Whatever they need to do to get out of it, though, Disney should eventually plan to have Marvel rides at their Hollywood Studios, which is the only one of the four parks that thematically makes sense for Marvel rides. And frankly, Hollywood Studios is currently the weakest of the parks and could use a bit of a boost. My suggestion would be to put them at the opposite end of New York Street from the Muppet Theater; New York is a central character in the Marvel Universe and would be a good place for the Marvel heroes to hang out and sign autographs, and right now there's really nothing down at that end of the street anyway.

Lastly, an entire Marvel-themed park wouldn't be completely out of the question, but I'm not sure how viable it would be. It has been well over a decade since Disney's last new park, The Animal Kingdom, opened, so a fifth park at Disney World wouldn't be a surprise. Whether or not there would be enough interest in Marvel characters to anchor an entire theme park, well... hard to say. But in the meantime, the previous three steps I've outlined would be a good way to integrate Marvel into the Disney World experience over the period of five years or so, something that could only help Marvel in terms of expanding their brand visibility -- and help Disney begin to realize the ancillary profits they no doubt expected when they decided to buy up the stable of Marvel characters.

In-House Ad Showcase: Sabre

Hey guys. You're probably wondering if I've been eaten by a panther or something, but calm you fears; I've just been so blasted with work that I haven't even had a chance to update the Week in Geek depsite the fact that feature's sole purpose is to allow me to present content when I'm too busy with work to do anything else. It's just been that busy.

Part of the reason it's been so busy, though, is because I've been trying to get ahead on work to clear the decks for a Disney vacation. Which I am now going on. Don't worry, once I get back I expect to be able to get back on a regular schedule and answer those questions you submitted, as well as catch up on other things.

In the meantime, in honor of my trip, I thought I'd present a special In-House Ad Showcase featuring the original ad for Sabre. For those of you who may not be familiar with Sabre, it's like this: Sabre is basically an alternate universe version of Jimi Hendrix, only with mad king-fu skills and a bunch of pirate-style weapons. He lives in a post-apocalyptic future where, alongside his main (inter-racial) squeeze Melissa Siren, he battle the forces of future-fascism -- all inside a near-exact replica of Walt Disney World.

Yep.

It was also originally released as one of the first graphic novels back in 1978 for a then-unheard of sum of $6, this at a time when the cover price on most comics was 35 or 40 cents.

So am I hoping to run into a dystopian kung-fu version of Jimi Hendrix while I'm at Disney World? Duh, of course I am. In the meantime, here's the kick-ass original ad for Sabre, from the pages of Heavy Metal, featuring art by Paul Gulacy. As always, click on it to enlarge:

read more “In-House Ad Showcase: Sabre”

Disney and Marvel Begin Cross-Marketing

Ever since it was announced last fall that Disney was going to bu Marvel, people have been wondering just what it was going to mean for both companies. One thing has always been taken as pretty much gospel fact, though: considering how much Disney has pushed "synergy" with every other company they have purchased, like ABC and ESPN, it was just a matter of time before Dinsey began cross-promotions with Marvel. The real question was when and what form would it take.

Well, now we have at least an idea of what the future is going to look like, because Disney and Marvel have announced two new cross-promotions coming in the next couple weeks: a series of TRON Variant covers across the Marvel Universe and a series of Marvel-themed covers for ESPN the Magazine -- one for each of the 31 NBA franchises.

Of the two I have to say the ESPN covers seem like a more natural, organic fit. Yes, it does smack a little of the recent announcement that Stan Lee was going to be doing a line of NHL-inspired superhroes. But still, a comic book cover depicting each of the NBA franchises as superhero teams isn't too crazy; at best it's kind of a fun gimmick and at worst, well, what harm can it do.

Plus, some of the covers are downright fantastic, particularly John Romita Jr.'s inspired take on his father's iconic splash page from Amazing Spider-man #50. This is almost too sweet to be real:

And most important, the gimmick seems to be working on some level; just google "marvel espn covers" or some variation and you'll see ream after ream of blog and newspaper articles about the covers, with local fans for each market debating the merits of their cover. That has to be a positive thing for Marvel even in markets that don't like the covers. For what it's worth, here's my local team, the Celtics:

All in all, it's not a half bad start for the Marvel/Disney marketing team.

Less successful. on the other hand, is the series of TRON Variant covers being slapped onto Marvel books over the next two months. I just don't get the connection at all. While I'm sure on some level there was the thought that Marvel might benefit from TRON fans picking up the comics, I have a hard time seeing that happening, mainly because there's just no connection at all between TRON and the Marvel characters. I dunno. On the face of things these two marketing campaigns may seem similar, but the TRON one really seems forced to me.

That's not to say that the art isn't cool; the Ghost Rider cover, featuring him on a light cycle, is a clever idea and this Captain America cover, for example, is pretty darn awesome:

But the whole thing just seems random, like a Burger King toy tie-in instead of a natural synergy between the two companies. And actual TRON comic book? Sure. Thor drawn as though he were in TRON? That I don't really get.

My Saturday With Adam West and Barack Obama

Over the weekend I headed down to the New England Comic Con in Boston and had a chance to buy some back issues, rub elbows with creators and pop stars and, oh yeah, enjoy a visit from the President of the United States. So here's a quick recap of the festivities for those of you who didn't have the unusual experience of seeing Adam West and Barack Obama in the same hour.

This year, the NECC (which really should be sponsored by New England's traditional candy, the Necco Wafer, don't you think?) was put on by the folks at Wizard, who are responsible for Wizard World Chicago and that sort of thing. I was a little iffy about this since I mostly consider Wizard to be a tool of the devil, but on the other hand I hadn't been to a show in a long time and Mike Grell was supposed to appear so I figured, what the hell. How bad could it be?

You'll notice my mistake right up front there -- it's the part where I wondered how bad a Wizard experience could be. My trip to the show itself, though, started out just fine; held at the Hynes Convention Center, the show had the privilege of sharing the building with a rally for Governor Deval Patrick, where a certain special guest by the Name of Barack Obama was suppoed to appear. That doesn't happen every day, so I thought it might be cool to both hit the comic show and see the president, but when I arrived those hopes were dashed thanks to a massive queue of several thousand people who had apparently been camping out all morning for a chance to get into the rally. So, scratch the Prez off the want list. I thought.

My con pain began when I got to the ticket counter. See, I've been to a lot of shows in Boston and at no point have I ever paid for than ten bucks to into one. So it never even occurred to me to see what the prices for this show were going to be because, really, ten bucks isn't that big a deal.

You know what is a big deal, though? $35. Which happens to be the one-day admission for the show. I was pretty much caught the Demon and the deep blue Sea Devils at that point, though, because my options were to a) pony up, b) go stand in line for another 3 1/2 hours to see Obama or c) waste my whole day driving into and out of Boston for no reason. So I reluctantly paid up and headed into the show, hoping it would be so awesome it was worth every penny.

Which, no. The reaosn the price was so high, it turns out, is because Wizard has decided to try and emulate San Diego Comic Con in every way possible, which means tons of pop stars and whatever. But since, unlike San Diego, there's no reason to show up in Bosotn, Wizard has to pay appearance fees, meaning that my #35 helped subsidize some other random person getting an autograph from Charisma Carpenter. Whoopde damn doo.

Plus, to be honest, there just weren't a whole heck of a lot of real deal comic book dealers. There were probably a half dozen booths of dealers just selling TPBs, which is kind of sad for a comic book show in my opinion, but whatever. Add in another four or five guys just selling recent issues and you're left with basically five dealers who had authentic back issues. Only one of these, though, had the classic Comic Show Cheap Boxes, which on the one hand made it a lot easier to search for bargains but on the other hand meant I didn't actually find anything I needed.

Basically, I was a grumpy damn dude.

There were some highlights of the show, though. Firstly, official Friend of the Vault Bob Almond was on hand and was as personable as ever. He also was working hard on behalf of The Inkwell Awards, which recognize outstanding achievement in comic book inking. I got to talk to Bob for a good while, which is always a pleasure, and I strongly recommend checking out his website for some learnin' on inking.

I also had the chance to meet a personal idol of mine, the legendary Mike Grell. After paying $35 for entry to the show I wasn't too psyched to find out he charges $5 for every signature after the first one, but I'm guessing it's to cut down both on people bringing entire stacks to be signed as well as those stacks then appearing on eBay. Since I rarely bring more than two or three issues to get signed (in this case I wanted one each of Warlord, Jon Sable and Green Arrow) it wasn't that big a deal. After getting his autograph I thanked him for finally tying up that goddamn Tinder storyline that had been unspooling as a subplot for over three full decades; he seemed very pleased that someone other than himself cared about that and shook my hand, so that was cool.

(As an aside, he was working on a drawing of Hawkeye when I spoke to him that was totally awesome beyond belief.)

And I did find a couple of very hard to find and quite expensive golden age comics I was looking for, namely (and you know what's coming) Boy Comics #5 and #13. I was extremely happy with the purchase of #5 in particular as it's the third issue of the series and very hard to get in decent condition.

But overall I was pretty displeased with the whole experience. I mean, Lee Majors is cool (even if I didn't actually see him) and there was a line for those Buffy people, so I guess someone gives a flying crap about them, but when I go to a comic book show I want to buy comics and I want to talk to comic book writers and artists. If I wanted to go to a pop culture TV convention I'd do that, but I don't and frankly it pisses me off that I had to pay through the nose so other people could co-opt my comic book convention experience. Even standing elbow to elbow with Adam West on my way out of the show wasn't cool enough to redeem the day.

But you know who was cool enough? The President of the United States, that's who.

So, it's like this: as I exited the convention, I ran smack into a crowd of people being ushered down a long hallway by some workers telling everyone to keep left. At this point it's like 3:30, a full hour after I thought the rally was scheduled for, so I figured, hey, these must be the people leaving the rally. So, assuming they were all being shown the exit, I joined in the mix and wandered with the crowd.

About halfway down the hallway, though, it donned on me that this wasn't leading to an exit but rather to some escalators going further up into the building -- and these folks weren't leaving the rally, they were heading in. Well, far be it from my to skip out on the President, especially since I just somehow skipped several long hours of standing in line for it. So, saying what the hell, I headed up into the convention hall.

Sure enough, there was a big stage set up (with, I might add, James Taylor playing live) and a crowd of folks waiting eagerly for Obama to come out. And we didn't have to wait long; about ten minutes after arriving, the rally kicked off, first with an introductory speaker, then the Lt. Governor, then the Governor and finally the President of the United Damn States of America. Right there, bro, no more than 75 feet away.

So that was pretty cool, though it would have been cooler if he had autographed my copy of Amazing Spider-man #583. And naturally I didn't actually stay for his whole speech; I mean, he's a great speaker, but i already knew what he was going to say and after hours of standing around the con I didn't feel like getting stuck for another hour pushing through a mob to get out. So I bailed.

All in all, the experience as a whole was surreal enough to make up for how disappointing the actual comic convention was, but next time Wizard comes around I'll be taking a giant skip on the proceedings. I only have so much money to spend on comics, after all, and wasting $35 of it for a chance to chat with James Marsters really isn't part of my fiscal planning.

Now, if they can get the President to come back again and sign this time, maybe we'll be in business...

The Week in Geek: October 3-9

Sometimes geek news slips through the cracks, and when that happens, I'm here to catch it in a segment I call "The Week in Geek." Yes, folks, hard to believe but it's been an entire week since my last update on everything geeky, which means you're all one week closer to death. And that should be all the incentive you need to check out this latest batch or articles, because seriously, don't you need something fun to at least temporarily distract you from the looming specter of eternal non-existence in the cold nothingness that reigns beyond our world?

Yeah, I thought so. Let's get geeky, friends!

October 6 -- Emma Stone is Having a Blonde Moment: Yes, rehead Emma Stone is playing the blonde Gwen Stacy, a reverse of last time when blonde Kirsten Dunst played the redheaded Mary Jane Watson. Apologists claim that Stone is actually a natural blonde, but whatevs. Stone is cool, but this is weird.

October 7 -- Sam Raimi is The Man Behind the Curtain for ‘Oz’ Prequel: Raimi gets a lifetime pass from me thanks to Evil Dead 2. And if they do get Robert Downey Jr. to play the wizard in this prequel, well, there's at least a small chance I might go see it.

October 8 -- Dan Aykroyd Super Pumped For ‘Ghostbusters 3′: I couldn't care less about Ghostbusters (blasphemy alert!), but you need to check this out if only to click on the link to Aykroyd's new ad for "Crystal Head Vodka," which seems like an SNL skit but is totally real. Maybe the world is the joke.

October 8 -- Noomi Rapace May Become The Girl in the ‘Alien’ Prequel: I'm only slightly more interested in the Alien prequel than I am in the Oz prequel or the Ghostbuster sequel, but this casting choice seems like a great idea.

October 8 -- ‘Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows’ Loses an Entire Dimension: In the best decision of the week, Warner Bros. decided not to convert the new Harry Potter film into 3D because 3D conversion blooooooows. Very smart move, WB, thank you.

Stan Lee's NHL

Back when I was a kid, I thought it would be cool if there were sports themed superheros. I don't mean crap like NHL Superpro, I mean like a superhero who has the Red Sox logo for his symbol and battled the evil Yankee to preserve the forces of good. Eventually, of course, once I got a little older, I decided this was a really, really stupid idea.

Then again, I'm no Stan Lee.

Which brings us to the surprise announcement of the week: Stan lee is teaming with the NHL for the "Guardian Project," which will have him co-create a team of 30 hockey themed superheroes, one to represent each NHL franchise. I shit you not.

"This is unlike any project Stan has ever done," Guardian Project chief creative officer Adam Baratta said, using massive understatement. "We worked hand-in-hand with the NHL over the last 10 months to specifically design each character not only to look and feel like the moniker, but to be infused with the spirit that represents the fans of each hometown."

As a Bruins fan, of course, I'm curious to know what my new superhero icon is going to be like and the Boston Herald, for this one time only, has the answer. "The superpowers of the Boston superhero bear called “Bruin” include precognition, or the ability to sense trouble, and serve as the “early-warning system” for the rest of the Guardians. His powerful roar can freeze enemies in fear, and his olfactory power allows him to “smell” when someone is lying and be a strong interrogator."

In addition, the Herald claims that "Bruin will be gritty, hard-working and, since he’s Boston-educated, the most intellectual of the bunch. And, yes, he’ll have a Boston accent."

I'm not sure whether to laugh, cry or get out my checkbook.

According to the press release, which was issued in advance of today's big rollout event at the New York Comic Con, the Guardians -- who will be marshalled by a 15-year-old kid -- are set to star in a line of comics books as well as a novel, video games and NHL marketing campaigns. If that all happens and the Guardians catch on, of course, I will literally swallow my Terry O'Reilly jersey whole, but more power to 'em I guess. Good luck getting this to fly.

For the life of me I haven't been able to find any images yet of the various Guardians, but trust me, as soon as I find some, I will be posting them. In the meantime, though, it struck me that just about every NHL team already has an established superhero or supervillain that could easily represent the franchise. So with that in mind, here's my list of heroes and villains for NHL franchises:

Boston Bruins -- Ursa Major
Buffalo Sabres -- Sabre
Montreal Canadiens -- Satannish (okay, maybe that's just me)
Ottawa Senators -- Senator Harrington Byrd (I looked this one up)
Toronto Maple Leafs -- Major Mapleleaf (yes, this is a real character)

New Jersey Devils -- The Death-Defying Devil
New York Islanders -- Wonder Woman (think about it...)
New York Rangers -- Space Ranger
Philadelphia Flyers -- Night Flyer (I refuse to give them someone cooler)
Pittsburgh Penguins -- The Penguin, obviously

Atlanta Thrashers -- Night Thrasher
Carolina Hurricane -- Hurricane
Florida Panthers -- Black Panther
Tampa Bay Lightning -- Lightning Lad
Washington Capitols -- Estes Kefauver (meta commentary!)

Calgary Flames -- Human Torch
Colorado Avalanche -- Avalanche
Edmonton Oilers -- The Duke of Oil (maybe the dumbest villain ever?)
Minnesota Wild -- Wildfire
Vancouver Canucks -- Captain Canuck

Chicago Blackhawks -- Blackhawk
Columbus Blue Jackets -- Yellowjacket (only funny to me, maybe)
Detroit Red Wings -- Redwing
Nashville Predators -- Predator
St. Louis Blues -- Chat Noir (look it up, I'll wait)

Anaheim Ducks -- Howard the Duck
Dallas Stars -- Starman
Los Angeles Kings -- King of the Hoboes
Phoenix Coyotes -- Coyote
San Jose Sharks -- Tiger Shark

Come to think of it... maybe I am Stan Lee after all!

Ask the Vault!

We haven't done this for awhile, so why not? Yes, it's time for the latest edition of the mind-expanding sensation that is sweeping the world, Ask the Vault! As always, the rules are pretty simple: you ask me any question you want, anything at all (though preferably about comics), and I provide the most comprehensive and intelligent answer you've ever heard in your whole damn life.

Of course, some questions have already been asked and answered, so before you submit your query, check out this list to see what kind of knowledge has already been dropped. But otherwise, the door is now open, so get your thinking caps and step through it metaphorically. Once I have accumulate enough questions, I'll answer them all with my usual flurry of timely activity.

Ready? Okay, ask away.