Game Review: Diablo 3

Diablo 3 is out. But is it a game? Or is it the most brilliant money making scam in internet history?

Movie Review: The Avengers

Okay, okay, I posted my Avengers review. Get off my back already, geez.

The Most Important Comic Book You've Never Heard Of

Action Comics #1. Detective Comics #27. Why is All-American Men of War #89 as important as these great comics -- and why have you never heard of it?.

Tales From the Vault: Lois Lane #93

If you thought Superman was a total tool before, you ain't seen nothing yet.

Mass Effect 3: The Official Review

Mass Effect 3 isn't the end of the world, it just portrays it.

Showing posts with label Len Wein. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Len Wein. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Tales From the Vault: ADVENTURE COMICS #420

It's time for another trip through the way-back machine, this time to the heady days when Supergirl briefly was popular enough to command her own series within a series in the pages of Adventure Comics. Of course, back in those days the old Adventure brand really meant something, because while Supergirl was successful for 44 issues in Adventure, as soon as they spun her out into her own series it nosedived into the turf, getting canceled after just ten issues that took almost two whole years to publish. Not good.

But enough about failure. Let's crack open this bad boy and find out why she was popular and why the DC 25 cent giants of the day were, in contrast, very much not popular.


Details: This issue is from June of 1972 and the first story is written by Raymond Marias and Len Wein, which was relatively early in Wein's career and right at the beginning of the period when he seemingly began writing every comic book on Earth. The art is by one of the classic DC pencillers of the era, Tony DeZuniga. And the story is straight out of a drug induced fervor, which makes perfect sense. After all, where did you think the term “420” came from?

Synopsis: We start with Supergirl flying through space when she is suddenly attacked by a "plastoid globe" which is, you know, a big ball of plastic. And it doesn't attack so much as float. Nonetheless, it drives her to land on a nearby planet, where a missile sends strands of hair to grab her; when she melts the strands, it turns to amber. Yeah, that happened to me at Supercuts once.

Completely confused, Supergirl is suddenly rescued by some dude named Togran, who has a magic garden (strictly for medicinal purposes, no doubt) and commands his plants to save her. He then explains that a neighboring nation has killed everyone except his dad and his dad's two friends, who were presumably saved because they were in their dens playing online poker when the attack happened. Those three, as it happens, are wizards who have formed a collective entity called the Mind-Warp, and who use their powers to affect people's emotions. They also look about as stupid as humanly possible, wearing outfits that look sort of like hooded sweatshirts with mini-capes and domino masks. Plus, one guy has his beard collected in what appears to be a napkin holder with an X-Men logo on it.

Anyway, after the exposition, Supergirl is like "whatever" and decides to leave. Before she does, though, Togran grabs her and plays tonsil hockey with her while copping a feel. Supergirl flies off "with the taste of Togran's kiss still in her mind" – which, really, eww -- when she sees a passel of missiles fly out of nowhere and blow him up. Shocked, Supergirl becomes vulnerable to the Mind Warp and they infect her with a rage, causing her to fly off to the neighboring kingdom to kill everyone.

Of course, the missiles were actually from the Mind Warp themselves; it was all staged in order to get Supergirl to royally mess up their enemies. As soon as she’s out of sight, Togran's dad rushes down and revives him with magic; but Togran flies off to stop Supergirl even though in his weakened state he'll die from the exertion, because he ain’t even trying to hear that. Togran's dad then goes into a rage and, while Togran heroically sacrifices himself to stop Supergirl's rampage, his dad hacks down the other two Mind Warp guys with a huge sword. Since they are all mind linked, all three of them die. In the annals of well thought out plans, this whole sequence of events is probably down near the bottom.

Yes, it's tragedy all around, except for Supergirl of course, who’s totally fine other than having that dude’s taste stuck in her face. Worst of all, though, one of the dead Mind Warp dudes is named "Opra". My God, there goes the Book Club.

And, that's… THE END!


Extras: In case you were wondering, that's a ten page story. So what's the rest of the 42 pages in this 52 page special? Well, it's all reprints. As you would expect from a Supergirl series, there's an Animal Man story and some space monster story in addition to one lone Supergirl reprint. Of course, I didn’t read any of this nonsense because if there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s a dirty reprint scam. I want new content! Of course, since this is a back issue, technically none of it is new so you might say I’m being arbitrary, but there’s the principle of the thing to uphold. If I had bought this issue new with a shiny, hard earned quarter back in 1972, I would have been royally steamed. Plus, I would have been a fetus, so the whole thing would be really kind of logistically awkward.

The story itself is pretty 1972, i.e. a thinly veiled meditation on peace, love and the Vietnam War. Is it just me, or was there more of this sort of thing going on at DC than at Marvel? I don’t just mean the obvious stuff like the Green Lantern / Green Arrow “relevancy” stuff, but just in general DC seemed to have a lot more topic of the day type stories during this time period.

Lastly, I also want to quickly point out that Supergirl appears to be wearing your grandma’s underwear. Yes, elastic is functional, but red Depends are not quite the fashion statement I want from my Supergirl. Other than that, the design from the era is pretty sweet, but seriously.


My grade: The Supergirl story gets a B for sheer weirdness, the rest of the issue gets an F for being a dirty reprint scam.


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Saturday, August 15, 2009

Tales From the Vault: POWER MAN #17

Hey everyone, grab your yellow wife-beater because today we're taking a look at Power Man #17 starring the inimitable Luke Cage!

Details: This issue is dated February, 1974, and is written by Len Wein with art from George Tuska and Billy Graham, but presumably not that Billy Graham. Though that would be awesome. This is the first issue under the Power Man title following a change from the original Hero For Hire title. Of course, the title would also later change yet again into Power Man and Iron Fist; I’m a little sad the series didn’t last long enough to try A Moon… A Power Man… ROMANCE. Ah, missed opportunities.

Synopsis: The story starts with Cage reading a newspaper and shouting "Of all the freakin', mother-lovin' CRUD!" Man, don't you wish this were a MAX series or something so the writers could actually drop some F-bombs? Of course, that would also allow writers to have his girlfriend request a “Sweet Christmas”, if you know what I mean, so maybe it’s just as well. Not that anybody would actually do that in a Luke Cage comic, of course.

So why is Cage upset? Well, it's because he solved a big case and didn't get any press for it. He decides that this is because he doesn't have a catchy superhero name like Spider-man and Captain America do. While he's thinking about this, a client comes in who says that he is from Stark Industries and that Tony Stark wants Cage to try to steal a suit of armor so they can test their security measures. In order to make it realistic, though, nobody except the three of them would know about the deal, not even Iron Man. Cage, of course, agrees.

NO, LUKE, NO!!! IT’S A SETUP!!! DON”T… arrgh. Dammit, isn’t Luke Cage supposed to be the “streetwise” hero? Seriously. Unless it’s Sesame Street, this has setup written all over it and even Snuffleupagus would have been like, “Stay frosty, homes.” But, whatever. Cage, it seems, is too distracted by a subplot about some chick who found out he’s an escaped convict. How will she react? I’d like to tell you, but I can’t because this is never mentioned again. Maybe she got snuffed by Mr. Fish before she could confront Luke.

Anyway, Cage heads to Stark's factory, where he sneaks around. He decides he'll just hide in "the shadows. With my complexion, don't think anyone'll notice me there." Sure. They might notice the giant neon yellow shirt and reflective metal headband, though. But no, Cage manages to break in without incident, gets to the suit and then Iron Man shows up. Of course, Tony has no idea what this is about, because it was, in fact, a setup. The two of them start pounding on each other, then realize that... IT'S A SETUP!!!!

No kidding. Good work. Anyway, the client is there and he's stolen the suit while they've been fighting. He jumps in some ridiculous shuttle plane and flies off. Unfortunately, Iron Man's jets were damaged during the fight so he can't pursue. So, Cage grabs the plane and jumps aboard. The two of them go at it, with the guy shouting stuff like "Common black fool!" Yikes. Hey pal, could we go easy on that stuff maybe?

Anyway, they're fighting, and Cage gives the guy a kick -- and the guy sails out the window and apparently plummets to his death. Cage calls down to Iron Man and says "Er -- he sort of dropped out of the picture". In reply, Iron Man calls him an "idiot". Geez, why is everyone being a dick to Luke all of a sudden?

Here's what Iron Man says:

"You mean he jumped from the skate? Idiot, the star suit is equipped with jets for short distance flying. Once he flies out of our tracking range, we'll never find him." Oh, so he didn't fall to his death after all. Or...

Cage: "Oh, you'll find him. Somehow I don't think he flew very far -- without these circuits in the front'a his suit".

So... wait, let me see... he had jet boots, but they wouldn't work because Cage ripped out all the wiring from the suit, so... he actually did fall to his death? I'm telling you, that guy is not doing any flying, he's just dropping like a stone, screaming his lungs out. If stones had lungs, that is.

And then... the issue ends with Cage deciding to call himself Power Man. No mention whatsoever of the fact that Cage apparently just killed a guy and covered it up. Oh, and how did he come up with the name Power Man? During the fight with the client he says this: "Just chalk it up to Black Power, man", then thinks in a thought balloon "Black Power, man? Power Man? Yeah -- that's it!" Oh, god. Even Chazz Palminteri’s office wall could have provided a more meaningful random name than that.

THE END!

Extras: I wanted to mention how completely weird and wrong the cover blurb for this issue is. It states that Luke Cage is the first black superhero. This is strange considering that Marvel had introduced the Falcon in 1969, three years before Hero for Hire #1 came, and had long since promoted him to co-headliner status in Captain America. Not to mention other precursors like Black Panther (1966) for one, who is “black” though he’s African rather than African-American, if that’s what they were trying to get at. And if they were in fact suggesting that Luke Cage is the first black hero because he's the first one that acts "street" and uses black slang, then... yeah. That doesn't sit real well with me to be honest. Anyway, here’s a thoughtful exploration of African-American characters in comics, where you can learn about the forerunners that this odd blurb is completely ignoring.

My Grade: Surprisingly, I'm giving this issue a B. Yeah, the blaxploitation dialogue was over the top, and the plot was pretty simple, but I enjoyed it anyway. Wein knows what he's doing. And I do appreciate the fact that Luke's rationale for the name change is pure marketing; it's a nice meta touch.


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