Wednesday, July 28, 2010

The Batman Awards

Ladies and gentlemen, fans of The Vault and people who accidentally landed here when googling the phrase "women in spandex," welcome to an extra special landmark blogging event, The Batman Awards. No, Bruce Wayne himself will not be presenting me with a gold statue; rather, The Batman Awards mark the first Vault post created by a guest writer. That esteemed guest? None other than former Marvel Bullpen stalwart Rob Lettrick.

So what are The Batman Awards exactly? Simply put, they're Rob's ranking of pretty much everything Bat-related, from both film and comics: with a whopping 30 categories, The Batman Awards put lesser awards ceremonies like the Oscars to shame and make the Emmys look like a bunch of damn pikers. All of these awards are accompanied by video clips or relevant artwork, so by all means, feel free to click away to get an in-depth look into the recess of The Bat Cav... er, I mean, Rob's mind.

Without further ado, then, here's Mr. Lettrick with the first ever Batman Awards!

Best BatmanMichael Keaton

Best Joker -- Jack Nicholson

Best Robin
Burt Ward

Best CatwomanErtha Kitt

Best Two FaceAaron Eckhart

Best PenguinBurgess Meredith

Best RiddlerFrank Gorshin

Best BatmobileThe Tumbler

Best AlfredMichael Caine

Best Commissioner Gordon – Tie (Gary Oldman and Batman Year One version)

Best Batman artist
Neal Adams

Best Batman writerFrank Miller

Best AllyGreen Arrow (Dark Knight Returns graphic novel)

Best EnemySuperman (Dark Knight Returns graphic novel)

Best BatgirlYvonne Craig

Best Batman ToyBatman Exploding Bridge Playset

Best Arkham AsylumGrant Morrison/Dave McKean’s Arkham Asylum graphic novel

Best GothamNo Man’s Land (storyline that ran through multiple Batman titles in 1999 in which Gotham was hit by a 7.6 Earthquake)

Holy $&%# Batman! Worst Batman related junk – three way tie: 1) Batman partakes in the network television show Superhero Roast (Adam West actually showed up for this.) 2) Christian Bale’s Batvoice 3) The Batfro Dishonorable Mention: whatever this is.

Best fan-made filmBatman versus Aliens versus Predator

Best Batman rip offThe Confessor (Kurt Busiek’s Astro City)

Worst Batman rip offGeorge Clooney in Batman and Robin

Best Batman Video GameLego Batman

Best “Oh, crap, what did I get myself into” moment - Vs. Hulk

Best romantic interest - Wonder Woman (yep, they dated)

Best group affiliationJustice League (Giffen/DeMatteis/Maguire version)

Most satisfying moment for Batman readers
- Batman knocks out Green Lantern Guy Gardner with one punch

Definitive BATMANAlex Ross/Mark Waid’s Kingdome Come version

Definitive JOKERAlan Moore and Brian Bolland’s The Killing Joke version

Thanks Rob. Now, let the arguments begin!

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Come now, Mark Hamill's Joker has to warrant mention somewhere. His laugh was just pure evil fun.

Mark Hamill played the Joker at some point, EVER? I freaking give up. I think all of you are a bunch of jokers. P.S. Once again, I agree with Rob on everything, especially the Commissioner Gordon tie. Outstanding. (of all the references I could understand, that is.)

I'm sorry...but I thought Heath Ledger was the best Joker. Absolutely insane.